'It's really disrespectful and interfering of them': Siblings ask brother's girlfriend to chip in on rent despite her not living there, refuse to help brother when he's struggling

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jan 11, 2025 3:00 PM EST

Living with other people is not always easy. They can get under your skin in ways that nobody else can. Something about sharing a kitchen, let alone a bathroom, will make you witness all the little things that you can't stand about someone. This is why it's often hard to live with family. It's nice to have them near, and it can be a wonderful thing a lot of the time, but close proximity can make even the strongest families start to crumble. 

What makes this even worse is arguments about money. Whenever money gets involved, it raises the stakes of whatever conflict is going on under the surface. And when you're splitting rent and utilities, the question of money usually comes up. Even if you do a perfectly even split, questions start to arise if one of you falls on hard times financially or if one of you makes a whole lot more than the other. 

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  • That's the kind of situation this woman stepped into when she started dating a man who lived with his siblings. As she started spending more time at his house, his siblings saw an opportunity to squeeze a little cash out of her. But were their requests fair, and was the way she dealt with them appropriately? Read on for the details and see what you think. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10452707328
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for not paying my boyfriend's household bills when his siblings ask me for it?

    AITA for refusing to pay my boyfriend's share of household bills and expecting his siblings to help him now that he's struggling?
    via u/Advanced-Ad6738
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    I (F25) have been dating my boyfriend (M27) for 11 months. He lives with his siblings, and I visit regularly, but I don't stay there full-time nor sleep over every night. Recently, his siblings asked me to help pay part of his share of the household bills, like electricity and water, because I've been there often.
    via u/Advanced-Ad6738
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    I told them I'm not comfortable contributing since I'm just visiting and don't live there. I don't use the utilities the way they do, and my boyfriend hasn't asked me to pay anything. Now, they're upset with me, and things are awkward.
    via u/Advanced-Ad6738
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    Here's the thing - my boyfriend recently lost his job and has been going through a tough time. He's always been the one supporting all the household expenses, including food and utilities, for everyone. I've been helping cover his food and other personal needs during this time. I feel like his siblings,
    via u/Advanced-Ad6738
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    especially since they're all working, should step up and help him with the household expenses now that he's struggling. They've benefited from his sacrifices for years, and I just think it's time for them to return the favor.
    via u/Advanced-Ad6738
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    Am I wrong for refusing to pay and expecting them to help him now? Add. I am visiting there after my work not consistent, and 6pm to 12 midnight max, use of electricity maybe the fan, no cooking no fridge because if we needed to eat I already bought cooked food before going. For the use of water, toilet flush no showering.
    via u/Advanced-Ad6738
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    Cheezburger Image 10452707584
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Commenters weighed in on if the siblings' demands were reasonable, and how she should deal with them.

    Kukka63 9h ago NTA, the entitled siblings have approached you because their golden goose has lost his job. It would be more beneficial for them to wind their necks in and actually contribute to the household. Why on earth has your boyfriend paid for all of those expenses?
    via u/Kukka63
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    WonderfulLavinia • NTA. it's not your 7h ago responsibility to pay for the bills as you're not living there, his siblings should help him. and understand the situation since they are living together. your bf didn't even ask you, that's so ride of them
    via u/WonderfulLavinia
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    Proud_Apricot316 • 8h ago NTA This is a discussion his siblings should be having with him, not you. It's really disrespectful and interfering of them to do this to him (and to you by extension).
    via u/Proud_Apricot316
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    Your relationship, and any mutually agreed help or responsibilities you have to one another, is between you and your boyfriend. If they think you should contribute, they should talk to your boyfriend about that, and let him have agency over whether or not that's something he thinks is fair or reasonable and the impact it may have on his relationship and life.
    via u/Proud_Apricot316
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    No-... 6h ago • Edited 6h ago Piece of advice: Don't visit so often, and definitely don't stay overnight. People who do that tend to impose on others, so they rightfully start trying to get rent at some point. You don't describe this as such, so just stay away.
    via u/No-Picture-9699
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    Help your bf get a job, even help him for a little bit, but put a timeframe to it. "I'll help you with such for the next 2 months while you find another job" and then make sure to stop at the end of the timeline. The reason I say this is because he is not your husband and you aren't engaged. You are not obligated to finance your bf out indefinitely.
    via u/No-Picture-9699
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    No-... • • • 8h ago Edited 8h ago NTA Your bf's siblings are awful! Since when does a visitor have to pay for utilities and household expenses at someone else's house?! You don't owe them anything! As for your bf, his siblings took advantage of him when he had income by expecting him to shoulder most of the household costs.
    via u/No-Picture-9699
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    What did they do with their money during that time if they weren't equally paying the bills? They need to pay the household bills themselves now, until your bf gets another job. Once he's employed, he and his siblings should create a budget and divide the total cost of
    via u/No-Picture-9699
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    What did they do with their money during that time if they weren't equally paying the bills? They need to pay the household bills themselves now, until your bf gets another job. Once he's employed, he and his siblings
    via u/No-Picture-9699
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    should create a budget and divide the total cost of household expenses equally among them. They need to be held accountable for contributing their fair share to the household expenses.
    via u/No-Picture-9699
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    Whi... . 8h ago Edited 8h ago I. N. F. O How many nights a week do you stay over at your boyfriends place? What sort of activities (cooking, cleaning, doing dishes, using food on fridge, showering, gaming, working from home, wifi...etc) do you typically do when you're over ??
    via u/WhizzoButterBoy
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    Need this information before can make a Judgement. Edited to add. NTA. You are over a lot but no overnights or significant use of the place. (water, wifi etc) Whether you decide to float a loan to your bf or help support him in other ways is up to you (but his brothers would have the same obligations too) its a weird. ask
    via u/WhizzoButterBoy
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    DestronCommander • 8h ago NTA. If they're all working, then there is no reason for them not to up their household contributions. They have relied on your BF way too long. Now that they have to pick up the slack, they are now feeling the pain of letting go of their money.
    via u/DestronCommander
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    tog... • 8h ago Edited 7h ago Nta-sounds like you are pitching in for your BF, just not for his siblings. This also sounds like his siblings maybe thinking you're the golden goose, since your BF is not bringing home golden eggs at the moment. I'd offer your BF space at your place before contributing directly for his siblings in this kind of a deal
    via u/togocann49
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    . Substantialgood4102 · 6h ago NTA. You have been in a relationship for less than a year. Do not start to support your boyfriend. If you start it will become expected. He lives at home with his family. They can support him. Too many women fall into the trap
    via u/Substantialgood4102
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    of supporting some guy because he looses his job and before you know it he looses all interest in finding work. Maintain yourself and let him. maintain himself. His family can kick rocks.
    via u/Substantialgood4102
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    Dad_Bod_God _ • 5h ago You should stop going over and have your boyfriend come to you. That way there's no way the siblings will have any reason to ask you for anything
    via u/Dad_Bod_God_
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    Rock3tSc13nc3 • 7h ago NTA There's no reason your boyfriend should be supporting any other adults. He definitely shouldn't be supporting parents or siblings etc, + their own incompetence is what's asking for help, don't bother,
    via u/Rock3tSc13nc3
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    he's already enabled them. too much. However, I think you need to start not spending time there, and let this get sorted out. Don't spend anything overnight, make sure you're at your own place that you pay for, any
    via u/Rock3tSc13nc3
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    costs for your time there your boyfriend was more than paying for, since he's paying. for most everything, that definitely covered the cost of you. Time for those other people to pay out
    via u/Rock3tSc13nc3

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aita AITAH brother sibling rivalry living together sibling memes siblings money problems reddit story family feud relationships family sibling sister reddit thread Reddit money
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